Thursday, August 6, 2015

Chapters 1 and 2

The Burkemans: A Profile

We are a unique group. What more can be said? Plenty. 
At the top of the notch, there is the matriarch, Rose Marie Burkeman. A big personality in miniature form. Paired as equally as one could be with her partner - in life and a life of fighting crime (the stupidity of the masses) - the Patriarch, Steven Daniel Burkeman. Cultural legacies accounted for, this coupling of an overly gesticulating, cogent Italian, with a big-hearted, leader-by-permanent-example, Eastern-European Jew, have come together, across religion and a few streets in Northern New Jersey, to be the ultimate united front. Mom and Dad, as we call them, are our role models, meant to be observed, revered and continually harassed. 


From their union, (quite literally) was birthed Rachel Elizabeth Burkeman- the pure mixture of both personalities, resulting in a woman as doubly unique and impressive as her forbears. Whatever culture or question Steve and Rose failed to take note of during their own growth, Rachel made it her duty to adopt and answer, at least for a  few months. Children are typically lost and beg to find their way, and in that sense, the road less taken, is taken many times over. Although, for Rachel, it was not enough to travel the road less taken, she took on the world less discovered. Spending years abroad at every opportunity, but first spending time abroad from popular convention. Coolness was not achieved, it was owned by a complete challenge of popular faiths and traditions and possessing, or at least projecting, a beautiful lack of shame. Rachel masterfully painted her life in hundreds of different shades and hues, resulting in a most admirable piece of art. Something that she never has to sell but will forever receive payment.


Three and a half years later, baby Tempest came calling. Tempest Ann Burkeman was in many ways the sophisticated answer to Rachel’s raw approach. A miniature version of the already minute Rose, Tempest took on the family by storm. Like a hurricane that had the suspicious inability to harm anyone, Tempest blew passed her peers at every turn, including both her of siblings. While Rachel was no slouch academically, Tempest would bring home the blue ribbon in this category. A bilingual world traveler in her own right, Tempest was the socialite to Rachel’s heady flower child. Though, being blessed with a determination that catalyzed her intellect (and a disgustingly organized planner), Tempest entered the world Rachel sought to tear down. Never gaudy and always classic, Tempest employed a more traditional mindset, aligning herself with the proper fashions and interests of her adolescence, while still maintaining her identity and continually succeeding where others would not. 

Three and one half years later, I was born. Mitchell Leonard Burkeman. The baby boy. While Rachel was a mixture of both parents and Tempest a copy of Mom, I was designed to be my father’s clone, in looks, temperament and humor. In many ways, I see myself unable to stack up next to these four. In my war-like brain, I am the least academically inclined, cool's mortal enemy and stubborn as stubborn could hope to be. Though, without these four and the admiration I have for each one, different and equal, I would be far worse of a terror.  But, luckily, I do have them and for that, being eternally grateful, does not begin to cut it. 
As I put down my pen and picked up the W.M.D., I wondered, would they know any of this?




Chapter 2
Brian Wells hurried down a polished hallway towards his goal. A stiff set of papers under his right arm, an analog, chromed watch that he received from his parents adorning his left. The watch clicked 9 am and Brian knocked on the door.
“Good morning sir, I have a package here for you” He said enthusiastically.
“Good morning, Brian. Leave it there” his boss answered, pointing strongly, but politely to a basket on the lacquered wooden desk.  
Brian scuttled over to the desk and placed the package gently in the basket labeled, “In” and turned to leave. Just before he closed the door he looked over his shoulder and offered his apologies to his employer. “Thank you, Brian, but never you mind. I’ll let you know if I need you again”. Brian exited the room and walked briskly back to his tiny cubicle at the other end of the office.
Brian Jackson Wells was an obsequious young man of twenty-three. A recent college graduate from Harvard University, he spent most of his time dreaming of his own office with a brawny desk and his own boy to bark orders at. Though he was never barked at, Mr. Burkeman seldom raised his voice or appeared impolite. Brian thought he was weak, extravagantly successful yes, but weak.  He would be a better leader, a stronger man, someone people respected and if not respected, than certainly feared. As Brian sat as his desk, patiently awaiting his next assignment, like a puppy freshly trained and anxious not to spoil the floor, he began to go over the details of the rest of his day, what he would do, where he would go, who he would see. First and foremost he had to speak to his father and endure his weekly instructions. Adam Wells was large man, he towered over his fellows, perhaps the only thing larger was his ego, Brian thought. Brian had received none of his father’s height, they did have similar features, though Brian’s were shrunk down, as if he was left in the dryer for too long. He had his father’s light brown hair and green eyes, his nose, his chin. But Brian had none of his father’s presence, where Mr. Wells’s voice was a low, commanding cadence, Brian’s was light and intrusive, something to fit his overly interested personality. Along with a short stature and high pitched voice, Brian was not the man his father had expected and he told Brian often. Mr. Wells was a Yale graduate and quarterback of the football team. To his father’s dismay, Brian was not accepted into Yale and was relegated to the rivaled Harvard. Brian was accepted into other top prestigious schools, but he wanted to stay close to home. After much convincing by his mother, Mr. Wells consented, but demanded Brian would pay his own way, as he did. Brian loved Harvard, only to come home to snide comments rattled off by his father at holiday dinners. In a few months, Brian would be out from under his thumb and he would be giving the weekly instructions.
As Brian commuted home to his apartment in Hoboken, New Jersey, switching trains two times, he ignored three phone calls from his father, preferring to take the abuse in the privacy of his living room. Brian reached his building, climbed the two flights of stairs and slid the key into his apartment’s door. The door was not locked, it gently swung open and to Brian’s surprise, his father was standing on the other side.
“Brian, get in here”, Mr. Wells barked.
“Yes, sir”
“Did you see him today?”
“Yes, of course, he is my boss.”
“I know that, how did he seem?” his father snapped.
“He seemed fine, the usual, maybe a little more tired, but it was Monday morning.”
“Typical”, Adam spat. “I have got to go, I will call you with what you are to accomplish this week after I get home and tend to your mother, she has not been feeling well, call her and tell her about your job, she likes that.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You have much to thank that woman for.” Mr. Wells said as he opened the door.

“Goodbye, Dad.”

Thursday, January 22, 2015

State of My Union



Over the last few weeks, we have suffered, enjoyed and dealt with a wide range of events. From the international constant of terrorism, to the State of Our Union, to 'Deflate-Gate'; this point in our history has been as tumultuous as any, that is, until tomorrow comes.

In particular, I want to discuss the "gate" suffix:

The Watergate Office Complex was the palatial home of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) during the early 1970s. In a nutshell, President Nixon engaged in some unsavory and wholly illegal activities, the least of which was a legitimate attempt to pay for his own breast implants with tax payer money; an incident that goes widely unreported due me just making it up. 

In actuality, Nixon was at the head of an incredible and elaborate conspiracy to subvert and tailor the American political landscape to his benefit. Bugging every opponent under the sun then, attempting to steal the documents that proved his guilt (located in the Watergate Hotel), resulted in the first and so far, only resignation of the leader of the Free World. Yes, it would be shocking if we learned Barry O. was hacking John McCain's computer for his 2008 campaign secrets - or perhaps, more realistically, his wife's own version of 'The Fappening '- but what made this political upheaval truly unique was what it did to the psyche of the American public, specifically in relation to trust. If this were Game of Thrones, It would be as if Ned had pushed Bran out of the tower, putting Winterfell's trust 'to the sword'. 

With anti-establishment sentiments already fermenting from the war in Vietnam, Nixon's Watergate scandal was the first public infidelity experienced by the American People. A catalyst that helped lead to the the ultimate divorce of the American Electorate and its Electee's. 

That is not to say that every politician prior to the Watergate fiasco was the picture of political piousness but, the atmosphere surrounding politics was much like that of the MLB during the steroid era. It was fair to assume a few rules must have bent here or there, maybe even shattered. Though, until Deep Throat (Watergate's clandestine kin of Brian McNamee) produced the smoking needle, few could be bothered to care. Afterwards however, the rules were changed, everyone had something to hide, resulting in a unilateral distrust of American politics and governmental agency. Even a player (candidate) of Derek Jeter's caliber, must face scrutiny. ...And rightly so? 

I leave that question for you to answer. Yes, we should vet our candidates and potential leaders and certainly hold them to a higher esteem, but to what extent? How wide do we allow the crosshatchings in our safety nets to be, what should fall through and what should be caught like a fish, wet, wriggling and slimy?

The moral of the story is this: The Watergate Scandal that culminated in the 1974 resignation of President Richard Milhous Nixon should not be compared or lend itself in anyway to each time Bruce Jenner becomes a woman, Bill Belichik decides to deflate his ball and go home or Janet Jackson wants to show off a nipple or three. Save it for the next time Christie closes a bridge. Otherwise, it loses its kick. Like a fine wine, disrespect ripens with age. 

I realize the uselessness of getting all bent out of shape over a few words. But the broader issue I'm 'tryna' address is a blatant disregard for class, etiquette and circumstance that is infecting our society and the sensationalized media is patient zero. 

If fear of a name produces fear of the thing itself, then disrespect of our country's history will follow the same pattern. 

Right about now, you might be asking yourself, "What is the point to this rambling?". Truthfully, it is what you make of it, what you decide my words mean. For I can only control how I present the material, not how it is perceived. Though, in an effort to add some clarity, I offer this explanation: 

The example of the Watergate Scandal was just that. I chose it as template for a larger issue that is budding out of a lack of respect and trust we as Americans have for our country. Gone are the days where the average American holds our governing offices in high regard (partially due to Watergate). We now must be reminded in speeches that this is 'still' the greatest, most opportunistic country on Earth. Instead, we venerate the media for its willingness to poke, prod and proliferate unnecessary scandal that aims at destroying our self-confidence as a nation. A vindictive approach that hides behind the disguise of human interest and poor puns, the modern media, with few exceptions, has turned this country into a high school clique; in which, all we seem to care about is who slept with who and whatever the hell Kanye decides to call himself this week. 

Personally, I'm waiting for the day he tries to walk on water and falls in, ego first. I doubt Dubya 'hates black people', but I can see why he'd hate Yeezus. Though, whether its Watergate or keeping up with Kardasha-wests, we need to 'retool' and restore our pride. It might be a deadly sin, but without it, we are sure to collapse.

Okay... I get it, its not THAT biga'deal. But still.

-Green

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I, I believe, I believe that I...

Will win. 

BUT, win what, exactly? 

That uncertainty is the question at the core of my self-worth. I am confident in my abilities. Abilities to do what? I am confident that I will be successful, however, successful in what? I am confident that I will eat a sandwich. But a sandwich made out of what? 

As a 23 year old man-boy, my life consists of inaction, procrastination and doubt, with the not so occasional dip into the deep end of arrogance. Quite the opposite of confidence. In fact, this perpetually cliché blog is, in and of itself, procrastination and doubt. Instead of giving words to my inaction, I should be giving thought and purpose to moving forward. Though, instead, I have decided to chronicle and lay my poor habits, brought on by poorer decisions, at the feet of the all-loving and forgiving Internet, courtesy of Al Gore. As fair warning, my vocabulary is lacking, my factual basis is incomplete and I ain't got no grammar skillz. I can only draw on the experiences and knowledge I have gained over the last quarter of a century that God or Zorp or The Seven have been so kind to grant me. However, I will do my best to be politically correct and socially appropriate, while leaving some room for purposeful stupidity (in a misguided attempt at humor). For if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Easy, everyone else. 

I will attempt to tie everything together into one coherent position. But incoherent tangents are inevitable and for that, I half-heartedly apologize. 

My only qualifying, intellectual achievements are that I have none. Besides a surreptitiously earned B. A. In Political Science from a state funded, albeit private institution, I can only claim that I am a relatively intelligent individual, however intelligent in what way and relative to what? I can read and write but I have lost an alarming amount of scrabble games to my infant niece.  Comprehension is a fickle friend. I will say that one certainty I know of in life, save death and taxes, is that Jon Snow and I, indeed know nothing. 

The only thing I ask of the reader (Hello, Mother) is to look at each post as a whole, rather than in parts. For I will do my absolute best to have some continuity and not contradict my own premise. But then again, maybe I won't. 

Beginning a race without a clear finish line is just 'yogging' in place. 


Topics to be covered:

Culture
....What else is there? 
Concentrations on:
Politics, sports, literature and the musings of Larry David. 

Posting daily, weekly, monthly or just this once. It will be an honor and a pleasure. 

-GE